Here are some true stories from around the State of California and beyond. I didn’t write ’em, but I know you’ll get a kick out of reading ’em.
Thinking Ahead
A Gardena police officer had detained a man for loitering when the man said, “Quick, read me my rights.” “Why?” inquired the officer. “Because I have a gun in my pants, and it’s sliding down my leg, and in about two seconds it’s gonna hit the ground.”
More Quick Thinking
In Des Moines, a 93-year-old woman surprised a burglar who had just broken into her home. Thinking fast, the woman pretended she was senile: “Oh, it’s good to see you again, Henry. Sit down and watch TV while I make you some lunch.” “Sounds good,” said the burglar. While he was enjoying a peanut butter sandwich, the woman excused herself and dialed 911. Officers say she was laughing uncontrollably as officers burst in and handcuffed the guy.
Your Objection is Noted
At a juvenile detention hearing on a bank robbery charge, the DA had just called the bank teller to the stand. As the teller sat down, the juvenile yelled, “Objection! That’s not the teller I robbed!”
Oh, Really
A robbery detective in Oakland was giving instructions to the men who were taking part in a lineup. “When your number is called take one stop forward and say, ‘Don’t move. Give me your purse.’” When the suspect’s number was called, he stepped forward and said, “But that’s not what I told her.”
Fun and Games with Radar
A man in Kirkland, Washington decided to test the accuracy of the city’s new radar sign that warns motorists how fast they are driving. So he drove to the end of the street, turned around–and hit the gas! The sign showed he was going 59 mph, so he looked down at his speedometer and was impressed that it, too, showed he was doing 59. Unfortunately, at this point he lost control of the car and crashed into the sign, destroying it and his car.
These stories were printed in the Spring, Summer and Winter 2007 editions of Point of View, a publication of the Alameda County District Attorney’s Office.
suki
01/11/2008
Thanks for the laugh.
Still at work, so totally needed it. I should totally remember what the old lady did while being robbed! Of course, that is if I remember…
alice
01/11/2008
one comment:
ahahahahahahaha!
Sarj
01/11/2008
Haha! Good one.
Iron Pugilist
01/11/2008
I don’t think anyone should be committing crime when they have that level of intelligence.
Batbitch
01/12/2008
Where’d you go?
Kimchihead
01/12/2008
I’ve been working overtime like you wouldn’t believe!
offendedblogger
01/12/2008
Ok, so which one was you? Come on, confess dammit!! :p
Mr. Grudge
01/12/2008
Hi Kimchihead,
Those are some funny stories,and easy for me to belive. In my days as a cop I met many, many stupid criminals. I’m thinking of writing my own book of stupid criminal stories straight from my old memo books. I love when they are shared over the intenet, such as the ones on your blog here. The old woman pretending to be senile is my favorite. Thanks. -Mike.
Cowgirl Betty
01/13/2008
Good post! I knew a foster parent who worked with teenage girls. A set of girls living in her house ran a car-theft ring. When the police called her to let her know the girls were arrested and why, the parent replied, “I knew those three were getting along too well!”
Those girls wound up cleaning a lot of nonprofit buildings that summer (with the foster mom watching like a hawk)to atone for their sideline business.
Batbitch
01/13/2008
‘K. Doesn’t stop me from missing you.
Damsel in Digress
01/14/2008
these all made me laugh. i’m impressed with the 93 year old woman - we should all be so lucky to think that quickly.
(p.s. the snow went away because it was an extra feature on wordpress that “expired” on jan 2. i’m not sure where they live but the snow definitely doesn’t stop in chicago on jan 2. i want the virtual snow back!)
SWei
01/15/2008
Awesome stories. *referring to 3rd and 4th excerpts* Didn’t know that there are actually thieves who are dumb enough to admit to committing a crime that way. LOL. And yes, like the others, I am impressed by the 93 yr old woman.
Monica
01/15/2008
OMGosh the one with the little ole lady was cute… lemme get you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich… hey, I’m so gonna do that if someone breaks in… really.
Monica