Jack’s rap sheet was a resume of stupidity: a few petty thefts, several residential burglaries, and the occasional trespass. Highlighting his stupidity was a conviction for punching a cop while being arrested for jerking off in public. Why little Jill married a bona fide shitbird was a mystery to most, but the reason was blatantly obvious to me–she wanted to be the one dame to tame a wild bad boy.
Three years and two babies seemed to mellow Jack. But family life didn’t tame his inner punk. Jack grew resentful of the two needy children and the damage they did to Jill’s figure. He unleashed his frustrations by slapping Jill around. A black eye, several contusions and a laceration later, Jill divorced Jack.
Soon enough, Jack went back to committing petty crimes. Participated in the weekly bar brawl. Lived the life of your typical, run-of-the-mill punk.
A year passed. Jack started making veiled threats, sent cryptic messages. Told Jill in a roundabout way that he was going to kidnap the kids and take them to a non-extradition country. One night, Jack circled Jill’s place in his car, drunk dialing from various pay phones.
Jill told me her tale at the bar. Not your typical Saturday night conversation, but not unexpected for a nightclub promoter. I was a shrink at times, listening to and advising my dysfunctional club kids. I sipped my scotch, listened to the broad, recalled what she looked like before she married Jack, back when she was one of my regulars. She asked me for advice. “You oughta get a retraining order,” I told her. “He sounds like a real creep.”
“You don’t know him,” Jill replied, defensively. “He’s a good father to the boys. He’s just going through some hard times right now.”
Jill didn’t want advice. She only wanted her delusion validated. As she walked out of the club, I knew that she’d be another item on Jack’s resume of stupidity. Only time would tell whether the line would read, “Domestic Battery,” “Kidnap” or “Murder.”
Tags: divorce · domestic violence · marriage · nightclub · relationships
alice
01/30/2008
I gotta say, the story you tell is awesome, like always. Still, I couldn’t help but get a slight irritated at her. It’s not as personal as it sounds. It’s just a pet peeve of mine, those who come to me for validation on their bad choices. I’m all for making bad choices and (hopefully) learning from them. But shit, stand by your decisions without needing them validated by someone else.
Kimchihead
01/31/2008
I was quite irritated as well. Especially with the “You don’t know him” business. Yea, right. The fool’s rap sheet speaks for itself.
Iron Pugilist
01/31/2008
Women trying to justify/rationalize their relationship with a jerk, hoping that he will change one day.
Where have I not heard that before?
Tara
01/31/2008
Been there and done that with the whole listening to friends, give them advice, and they don’t bother to take it and whatnot. That then leaves me with the feeling of “am I the only one with a damned brain?!”
*sighs* I’ll never understand women AND men who defend people like that. I mean, okay, so he’s a good father, but how long will it be before he pass the line? Bah. I think that’s why I’d rather stay single than go through that BS.
Oppa! (Can I call you that?) You really do have a knack for telling stories in interesting ways. :3
70steen
01/31/2008
I guess that is just how some folk are. I know a couple of people like that who have over the years just wound me. Telling me how awful everything is, asking for my opinion and when they don’t like what is so obviously the truth, you get ‘you don’t understand’, ‘they are really not like that underneath’ hey ‘he has cheated on you again’, ‘he has spent all your money’, ‘he is drunk and given you hell again’ what is there not to understand?…. if you don’t want to hear then don’t bother to ask me. Harsh but true!!
Mike D
01/31/2008
Man, I’ve had many conversations like that myself. It gets to the point that I tell them to shut up and deal with it or just quit talking to me.
The irritating part is knowing there are people stupid enough to believe the “He’s just going through some hard times right now” BS.
Mom and Dad should have paid more attention to the girl. It’s an endless cycle.
Cowgirl Betty
02/01/2008
OK–good God! This is waaay too much with what I deal with on a daily basis. The women and men who bounce back and forth from one violent relationship to another one–just desperate for something or someone to hold on to . . .
As far as being a good father–I don’t know if slapping moms around would be considered positive role-modeling . . .
jess
02/01/2008
What’s worse — the fact that situations like hers are so common, or the fact that people like you — and I — have become so desensitized to them that we would merely shrug at her decision to walk back into the flame?
Well written.
offendedblogger
02/01/2008
“Only time would tell whether the line would read, “Domestic Battery,” “Kidnap” or “Murder.””
Or all three…
Kimchihead
02/02/2008
The worst part is that fools like this are breeding and infecting humanity with their gene pool.
Shinade
02/02/2008
I have to admit that I am not shocked either. Unfortunately for all of us this is an ongoing scenario.
As a child raised in such a home. I truly know the damage and heartache that the children truly suffer.
I broke the circle with my children and my home. I vowed never to allow myself or my children to go through what my mother did. She stayed for over twenty years and we both payed dearly.
Alice
02/03/2008
Yeah, that “you don’t know him” crap is bullshit. Yes, I can understand that. Yes, we shouldn’t make snap judgements about people we’ve never met. (MAYBE.) If that was really her stance, she should’ve kept it to herself. Fishing for compliments or pity is something I just… ick.
Cowgirl Betty
02/04/2008
FYI–Most US States pull children from homes if DV is involved in any shape or form. Even if the parents–and the kids–say they haven’t personally been beaten. Witnessing can be traumatizing enough and it does put the kids in danger. At the most, they get caught (literally) in the crossfire. At the least, they are prone to become abusive or further victims of abuse. What I say: When there’s smoke there’s fire.
As far as the mom, though, the “you don’t know him” is more like “you don’t know me”. It could be, “if I leave him, he’ll kill me and the kids,” “I have no place to go with the kids because he cut off all ties that might help me out,” or “I’ve been beaten down so much by my past and by him, I’m a piece of shit that can’t survive without him–or someone like him.” Also, there’s no guarantee she isn’t knocking him around as well.
My tolerance when it involves kids, though. As harsh as it sounds, if they were really good parents, they wouldn’t be involved in an abusive relationship.
Monica
02/06/2008
Phhht… I personally haven’t ever been in an abusive relationship. I don’t know the other side. What I do know is, I’ve taken only a few years of martial arts, just enough to return a favor should it happen.
I do have to say that I’ve had a very hardline opinion on what would happen if someone hurt me physically or even attempted. I’m very open about it… and you know what? I’ve gotten the “you don’t know you haven’t been there”. Yeah, well.. maybe it’s because I make it very clear where I stand. I don’t know.
I DO feel for folks going through any kind of emotional turmoil. It’s who I am… but me personally? There wouldn’t be words submitted should someone attempt to harm me or my children. Harming my children would be a person attempting to harm me.
I could rant all day on this, but I can tell you - I haven’t been in an abusive relationship, but I know why. It’s because I don’t allow it.
Love and Light Kimchi, another great post to ponder.
Monica
Damsel in Digress
02/08/2008
always end your posts feeling so impressed with the way you weave these tales. and how you say so much without needy to spell it all out (like, uh, me).
i don’t get women like this. i will never get women like this. and my heart hurts knowing that there are women like this. i want to sit them down and lecture their brains off until they become far too pro women and, look at that, i guess i’ll just create another monster all together.
i hope she somehow escapes all of this untouched by jack’s stupidity, but evidence proves otherwise.
Damsel in Digress
02/08/2008
*needing.
Monica
02/11/2008
Hi there,
Just stopping by hoping all is well with you! Haven’t seen you come by or post for a bit.
Hugs, stay safe!
Monica
Swubird
02/13/2008
Yo, Kimchihead. Great parking lot scene. I instantly got the atmosphere, and felt the mood. I always learn something from you. You are a master story teller.
Have a nice day.
saboonjin
02/14/2008
She’ll learn when everything’s too late. But then, that won’t be a lesson either..
Stay positive as always, kimchihead! Cheers, and thanks for sharing the real side of the world!