Recently, a good buddy of mine and I were discussing world events, especially all of the religious madness going on these days. We spoke about the proliferation of Islam, and about how some say that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world.

My friend theorized that the reason Islam is growing so fast is because Christians don’t know how to sell their religion. After all, there are Muslim extremists out there that are telling young converts that if they become a suicide bomber and take out a bunch of Jews or Christians, they’ll be rewarded. They’ll die, of course (which really sucks). But in exchange, they’ll get hooked up with 72 virgins in the afterlife. Compare that with the Christian offer of an afterlife of chilling out with some old white guy with a long white beard.

Perhaps these zany evangelical Christians (who keep popping up where they’re not wanted) need to come up with a more compelling offer than the one being offered up by their extremist Muslim competitors. They need a better pitch.

The zany evangelical Christians could double the offer in some really slick infomercials (”The competitors are offering 72 virgins. We’re going to double that offer!”). For sure, they’re going to need a special bonus for those that call right away (”But wait! Call now, and you’ll also receive this added bonus!”). And, of course, they’ll need to offer a free gift, just for trying their product (”Yours to keep, absolutely free!”).

Now, all they’d need is a pitch man. My vote is for Tom Vu. The girls in his infomercials didn’t look all that virginal, but they sure did help sell his product!

Tags: christianity · infomercials · islam · religion · tom vu

There’s this shyster by the name of Roy Pearson in Washington DC. He’s suing a Korean family (Jin Chung, Soo Chung and their son Ki Chung) that runs a dry cleaning business. In dispute is a pair of pants the shyster dropped off at the cleaner for alteration.

The shyster–a freaking judge–is suing for $67,292,000 in damages.

How in the world did this guy come up with that amount? And how did such a case end up in a court of law? Where’s the justice? It goes beyond any shred of common sense, yet there it is.

Tags: dry cleaners · lawyers · roy pearson

Somewhere in San Diego, a guy passed out before his food was served. But nobody cared.

Tags: dennys · san diego

During a recent conversation with my work colleagues (around the water cooler), we discussed common sense. Many of my co-workers–myself included–believe that common sense is something that you are born with. Either you have it, or you don’t.

One does not have to search very hard to find instances where a lack of common sense has led to a person’s untimely death. Today, there was news from Afghanistan of a South Korean hostage killed by his Taliban captors. He was one of 23 Korean hostages from Korea doing some sort of church-related volunteer work in no man’s land.

Why in the world would you travel halfway around the world to a place where war is raging, unless you are on a military mission? You have no guns and no grenades. Suicide bombers await to embrace you with enough explosives to level a building. If something happens to you, there will be no rescue mission.

Common sense–you either have it, or you don’t. In this case, the net result of a lack of common sense was ten bullet holes and a stupid death.

Tags: christianity · islam · korean missionaries · koreans · murder · religion

So this guy walks down the street with a fist full of shit, and is compelled to share it with someone. He walks by a group of strangers–a group young men and women enjoying the afternoon sun. They’re minding their own business, sitting in a restaurant’s outdoor seating area and eating their lunch.

Poo Poo Man doesn’t quite know why, but the feces is talking to him. It’s compelling him to do some crazy shit. He opens his fist, revealing the chunky nugget to the world. “Quickly,” says the brown nugget to Poo Poo Man, “Quickly!”

Without hesitation, Poo Poo Man smears and rubs the feces into the hair and necks of the young women and men eating their lunch. The unsuspecting people look up at Poo Poo Man in shock. He wipes his hand with a napkin and throws it at the crowd before briskly walking away.

To Mr. Poo Poo Man and the rest of you nutbags walking down the street: take your freaking psych meds before leaving home!

Tags: feces · mental illness