Nov 29

It’s been almost forty years since the old man in a wheelchair was a young sailor. Way back when, he bled and dodged bullets in some Southeast Asian jungle, in a country he hadn’t even heard of before enlisting in the United States Navy.

As a young sailor, he thought he’d be on some ship far from shore while ground forces hashed it out with rifles, bayonets and hand grenades. Instead, he ended up as a corpsman attached to a Marine Corps infantry unit.

Like all corpsmen assigned to Marine Corps units, the sailor was affectionately called “Doc.” Doc was a warrior as well as medic. He gritted his teeth and fought alongside the grunts when needed, and ended up losing a leg while fighting his way to save a fallen comrade.

Doc lived life the best he could after coming home from the war. He was confined to a wheelchair and still carried some grenade shrapnel in his body, which had a tendency to shoot pain up his spine from time to time. And when those little bits of metal weren’t reminding him of the war, the dreams would never let him forget.

A few years ago, the old man came down with cancer. It slowly started eating away at his liver. He fought the cancer tooth and nail, but it kept coming back. Just a couple of months ago, his doctor at the Veterans Affairs hospital broke the news: it was only a matter of time before the cancer would kill him.

The former sailor took up residence at the VA hospital where he waited for the cancer to do what thousands of Viet Cong bastards couldn’t do. While there, he met another veteran, who was similarly diagnosed. They were veterans of different wars, currently being tortured by the same enemy.

The two men craved an occasional drink, to numb their anxiety and make the passage of time easier to endure. The hospital staff wouldn’t allow it. Why they couldn’t drink, in the face of imminent death, didn’t make sense. But instead of arguing with the nurses and doctors, the two vets quietly went AWOL from the hospital in their wheelchairs.

Today, the two men in wheelchairs bought a bottle of rum, a few cans of cola and some paper cups from a liquor store. After finding a quiet spot near the entrance of an alley, they mixed their rum and Cokes and drank to the many friends who never made it back. “At least we’re gonna die at home,” said the former sailor.

The two veterans were in the middle of their fourth round when they were interrupted by a couple of cops driving through the alley. The patrolmen got out of their car and approached the wheelchaired vets. NGUYEN and CHANG were engraved on the cops’ nameplates. “Good morning, gentlemen,” said Officer Nguyen. “What are you drinking?”

“I’m not going to lie to you, officer,” replied the former sailor. “We’re having some rum and Cokes.”

The cops looked young. Too young to remember the war that claimed his leg. “Are you aware that drinking in public is a misdemeanor?” asked Officer Chang.

Chang pulled out a ticket book and started writing a citation. Sure I know you’re not supposed to drink in public, thought the former sailor. They won’t let me drink in the hospital so I’ve got to drink in an alley like some fucking bum. I’ll be damned if some slope with a badge is going to lecture me about drinking!

Although the former sailor was angered that the young cop would be so eager to scratch out a ticket for a couple of dying vets, he maintained his composure and calmly stated his case to the two policemen. Nguyen looked at the hospital bracelets on the old men’s wrists and the hospital gowns underneath their coats, then asked, “What branch of the service were you in, sir?”

“Navy. I was a corpsman.”

Nguyen signaled for Chang to stop writing in his ticket book. “I was a Marine. Our corpsmen were always as good as Marines in my book.” He motioned to his partner to start heading back to the patrol car. “Enjoy your drinks, gentlemen.”

Before the two cops started walking walking away, the fomer corpsman extended his hand to the former Marine. They shook hands. Emotion filled the old sailor’s eyes. “Semper Fi, Marine.”

Semper Fidelis. Latin for “Always Faithful.” Motto of the Marines. The old man earned the right to those words as a young sailor who fought and bled alongside his Leathernecks.

“Semper Fi, Doc. And be careful out here. This alley isn’t very safe.” The two patrolmen got back into their car and drove past the two veterans.

Doc. No one had called him that in years. The sailor smiled at the Marine and raised his cup to him, thinking of all the Marines who used to call him “Doc” and who still haunted his dreams. “I’ve seen worse places, brother. Much worse.”

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Nov 24

Lola was a porn star turned single mom. Baby’s daddy was a three-strike loser who took up residence at San Quentin before Lola gave birth. For the sake of the child, she gave up porn, crossed two state lines and landed a gig as a stripper at a topless club just up the highway from my gin joint.

She ended up dating one of her regulars, a guy by the name of Freddie. Freddie was your average Joe with a nine to five, stock options and benefits. He wasn’t a high roller, but was making decent money. The guy had a little house, a couple of cars and a good nest egg.

Freddie knew getting into the game that Lola liked to party, and party hard. He burned up all his money financing her expensive habits. When the money well went dry, he sold the house and one of the cars to keep the party going. And when that money was gone and the party was over, Lola walked out on him.

A broken-hearted Freddie went to Lola’s club and tried to talk her out of leaving him. She responded to his pleading by smashing a can of soda on his face and breaking his nose. Freddie walked away into the night, leaving a trail of tears and blood.

Since Lola and Freddie were regulars at my place, rumors of their violent breakup didn’t take long to get to me. Freddie walked in by himself a few nights later and confirmed the news. I asked him how he was holding up and tried not to stare at the uneven makeup covering up the bruises on his face. Freddie assured me he was fine.

After several rounds, Freddie muttered, “No money, no honey.” Tears welled up in his eyes, then streamed down his face, leaving tracks in his makeup and revealing purple skin. I poured him another drink and told him it was on me.

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Nov 20

Some Bum.

Most transients have at least a piece of cardboard to use as a mattress. This bum was so out of it that he passed out without his. But no one seemed to care since he was on a sidewalk with very little foot traffic.

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Nov 16

The kind folks over at FuelMyBlog have awarded me their prestigious “Blog of the Day” award. It looks like they’re based in the UK, which means because of the time difference between here and there, my day might be up pretty soon. So take a look while you can.

kimchihead.com sticker

This free sticker could be yours!

Because I’m as happy as a clam, I’ve decided to send a sticker to any of you out there who want one. Just send an e-mail to sticker [at] kimchihead.com and I’ll make sure you get one, just in time to decorate your Christmas tree. Remember to include your name and address.

Don’t worry. I have no interest in stalking you. Don’t flatter yourself.

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Nov 14

As I made my rounds through the nightclub, I spotted an off-duty cop by the name of Pete sitting at a booth near the main bar. Sitting opposite Pete was a guy I’d never seen before. Pete saw me and waved me over. I took a seat next to Pete, who introduced me to his buddy Joe.

Joe was a lawyer turned cop turned back to lawyer. Before he wore a badge, Joe drove a fancy car and lived in an overpriced downtown condo with his trophy wife. After four years of lawyering, he decided to trade in his designer suits for a blue uniform.

Along with the gun and badge came a pay cut. This was not something that the trophy wife signed up for when she decided to marry Joe. A cop’s salary would not do. The relationship went sour. About a month after he graduated from the academy, Joe’s trophy wife caught him in an extramarital affair and promptly divorced him.

The trophy wife got herself a high-powered divorce attorney to represent her. By the time they were done raking him over the coals, Joe’s paychecks were so heavily garnished that his net salary was $3.93 per paycheck. How the rookie cop was supposed to live off of $7.86 a month was of no consequence to the man-hating judge.

Joe barely made probation. He was plenty book smart, but the streets got the better of him. Although he loved being a cop, Joe knew that he made a better lawyer. Six months after making probation, he turned in his gun and badge and went back to lawyering.

A year after Joe left the force, his trophy ex-wife found herself another gravy train. Joe’s paychecks were no longer subject to garnishment. With much more than seven bucks and some change at the end of each month, he was able to go out and enjoy the single life. It was his quest for good times that led him to my spot.

Joe’s odyssey left me speechless. The man had been to hell and back. I ordered us a round of cognac to celebrate his return. We chased the cognac with scotch. I gritted my teeth on a new cigarette and lit up. “How does it feel to be dating again?”

“I’ve been having a lot of fun,” Joe replied. “But man, I think I’m ready to settle down. Get serious with one woman.”

Pete looked at Joe, puzzled. The guy just returned from hell and wanted to go back? I was equally discombobulated. Pete asked, “Why the rush to settle down?”

Joe paused, considering the question thoughtfully. “All this going out and partying is getting expensive. I can’t afford to party all the time.”

It didn’t take an accountant to figure out that Joe’s last steady relationship cost him an arm and a leg, plus and eye and a thigh. “Can you afford to settle down again?” I asked. “You looking to get cleaned out again?”

Pete laughed. Joe looked at his drink, his eyes full of melancholy. “I was only being facetious,” I said.

“No, you’re absolutely right. Love always has a price tag. It never comes cheap.” Joe smiled wistfully and guzzled his drink. I changed the topic and ordered us another round.

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