The deceased was a 29-year-old aspiring actress. Her killer was a deadly combination of liquor, illegal narcotics, prescription pills and poor judgment. She fell asleep in her lover’s arms, and never woke up. But he did–with his arm underneath her stiff, lifeless body.
After the distraught lover was removed from his high rise condo, the coroner arrived to examine the cadaver. The coroner was a dark brunette, with pale skin and a voluptuous figure. She exuded sensuality. “Hello, boys,” she said to the two uniformed patrolmen standing guard over the corpse. She glanced at their name plates: DANDONNEAU and YLIHARSILA.
“Good morning, ma’am,” replied Officer Dandonneau, in a heavy French accent, as he nodded his head.
“No need to be so formal with me, guys.” She put on a pair of latex gloves and slowly pulled back the blanket that covered the decedent, who was lying in bed, clothed only with a skimpy set of panties. “What’s her story?”
As Officer Yliharsila regurgitated the lover’s statements, the coroner cupped the dead woman’s breasts, then pinched her nipples. “Great surgeon,” remarked the coroner. She then tugged the dead woman’s panties, and looked underneath. No evidence of rape. “Nicely shaved.” The two cops looked at each other, then continued to watch the coroner.
The coroner gently rolled the corpse on its side and squeezed the buttocks. “I’m checking for implants,” she said in a conversational tone, to the cops, without looking up at them.
“Butt implants?” Officer Yliharsila had never heard of such a thing.
“Do you think talent alone is good enough in this town? A girl needs all the help she can get around here.” The coroner finished her survey of the corpse, then looked up at the cops and smiled. “Thanks a lot, boys. It was really nice working with you.”
Later, the coroner’s investigation revealed that the cause of death was an accidental overdose of drugs, alcohol and stupidity. Not germane to the investigation was the forgotten story of a young girl. A small town dreamer living in a big city of dreams. A would-be a star turned pretty waitress in a town full of pretty waitresses yearning for stardom.
None of the tabloids mentioned the wealthy lover who supplied her with enough drugs and bullshit to help her forget that there would be no star on the pavement bearing her name. When the age-defying cosmetic surgery couldn’t keep pace with her age-inducing lifestyle, no one noticed as her wealthy lover strayed.
Not sensational enough for the papers, the aspiring actress’ untimely passing was reported only by a few civil servants tasked with taking note of such occurrences–the death was duly noted by the county coroner, and diligently reported by Officers Dandonneau and Yliharsila. Their audience was their watch commander and a homicide detective (who determined that there was no homicide). The case was soon filed and forgotten.
As the two cops continued patrol, Dandonneau imagined that somewhere, perhaps thousands of miles away, someone wept for the forgotten actress. But a big city cop has no time for such daydreams. He quickly dismissed the thought.
Tags: coroner · death · drugs · overdose · police
