As I made my rounds through the nightclub, I spotted an off-duty cop by the name of Pete sitting at a booth near the main bar. Sitting opposite Pete was a guy I’d never seen before. Pete saw me and waved me over. I took a seat next to Pete, who introduced me to his buddy Joe.
Joe was a lawyer turned cop turned back to lawyer. Before he wore a badge, Joe drove a fancy car and lived in an overpriced downtown condo with his trophy wife. After four years of lawyering, he decided to trade in his designer suits for a blue uniform.
Along with the gun and badge came a pay cut. This was not something that the trophy wife signed up for when she decided to marry Joe. A cop’s salary would not do. The relationship went sour. About a month after he graduated from the academy, Joe’s trophy wife caught him in an extramarital affair and promptly divorced him.
The trophy wife got herself a high-powered divorce attorney to represent her. By the time they were done raking him over the coals, Joe’s paychecks were so heavily garnished that his net salary was $3.93 per paycheck. How the rookie cop was supposed to live off of $7.86 a month was of no consequence to the man-hating judge.
Joe barely made probation. He was plenty book smart, but the streets got the better of him. Although he loved being a cop, Joe knew that he made a better lawyer. Six months after making probation, he turned in his gun and badge and went back to lawyering.
A year after Joe left the force, his trophy ex-wife found herself another gravy train. Joe’s paychecks were no longer subject to garnishment. With much more than seven bucks and some change at the end of each month, he was able to go out and enjoy the single life. It was his quest for good times that led him to my spot.
Joe’s odyssey left me speechless. The man had been to hell and back. I ordered us a round of cognac to celebrate his return. We chased the cognac with scotch. I gritted my teeth on a new cigarette and lit up. “How does it feel to be dating again?”
“I’ve been having a lot of fun,” Joe replied. “But man, I think I’m ready to settle down. Get serious with one woman.”
Pete looked at Joe, puzzled. The guy just returned from hell and wanted to go back? I was equally discombobulated. Pete asked, “Why the rush to settle down?”
Joe paused, considering the question thoughtfully. “All this going out and partying is getting expensive. I can’t afford to party all the time.”
It didn’t take an accountant to figure out that Joe’s last steady relationship cost him an arm and a leg, plus and eye and a thigh. “Can you afford to settle down again?” I asked. “You looking to get cleaned out again?”
Pete laughed. Joe looked at his drink, his eyes full of melancholy. “I was only being facetious,” I said.
“No, you’re absolutely right. Love always has a price tag. It never comes cheap.” Joe smiled wistfully and guzzled his drink. I changed the topic and ordered us another round.
Tags: divorce · lawyers · love · marriage · nightclub · police
